Today Is A Bad Anxiety Day


After a night of little sleep...which wasn't due to the children but from being afraid to fall back to sleep in case i experienced another intrusive dream.

I woke up in a panic and confused. The anxiety rushed through me, the questions raced through my head. My stomach was hurting, from it feeling so tight with nerves.
I cried a little, i fought with my mind. Asked it questions i couldn't answer or already new the answer to but doubted myself.

Thinking what if? Am i really a bad person deep down? What is wrong with me? Will i ever not suffer from this? Will i ever be able to enjoy my life again without suffering from these horrible thoughts.

I have moments where i forget and i can get on with my day but then it slowly creeps back into my mind and then the self doubt starts all over again and it can go on all day and night, it really is a vicious circle.
I start to question myself and everything around me and it has to be one of the worst things to do and one of the worst things to experience.
Iv'e lost my appetite, i will usually spend the rest of my day feeling so tense that i just want to lock myself away from the world, from my children and wait until the storm is up.
Hoping the good days are not too far away. Knowing deep down it won't last forever but sometimes it feels like it does.

Emma xox








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