Mummyof3boys

 Have you ever had one of those days where you think 'does anyone take any notice of the things i do?' 'Do they even appreciate anything i do for them?'.  Me to. I have those days often, sometimes i feel under appreciated, not because i'm am but because sometimes that's just how it can feel. It can be frustrating.  It sometimes feels like all the small things and the big things i do goes unnoticed. I just want to show everything iv'e done and be acknowledged for it.  Sometimes the little things are acknowledged but not very often.  I did the washing up.  I hoovered up. 3 times.  I made lunch. I did house work. I swept up multiple times.  I played with the children. I cleaned up all the little pieces of play dough that was left to dry. I loaded the washing machine. Did bedtime.  Brushed everyone's teeth.  Read my sons school book with him.  I just wanted to ask someone 'Do you see it? Do you see why i'm always so tired?'  Sometimes it makes me

After a night of little sleep...which wasn't due to the children but from being afraid to fall back to sleep in case i experienced another intrusive dream. I woke up in a panic and confused. The anxiety rushed through me, the questions raced through my head. My stomach was hurting, from it feeling so tight with nerves. I cried a little, i fought with my mind. Asked it questions i couldn't answer or already new the answer to but doubted myself. Thinking what if? Am i really a bad person deep down? What is wrong with me? Will i ever not suffer from this? Will i ever be able to enjoy my life again without suffering from these horrible thoughts. I have moments where i forget and i can get on with my day but then it slowly creeps back into my mind and then the self doubt starts all over again and it can go on all day and night, it really is a vicious circle. I start to question myself and everything around me and it has to be one of the worst things to do and one of the worst thi

 I'm tired of feeling so anxious..about everything. I'm tired of trying so hard. Trying my best to ignore it and pretend it isn't there.  Letting thoughts take over my mind and just wanting to hide myself away. Some days i can ignore it but some days i can't and that is when it takes over. I never really suffered from anxiety until i became a mother. That is when it hit me the hardest. Every day there will be something i'm anxious about, whether it be something about my children, being able to leave the house or sometimes it can be from some horrible thought iv'e had.  Sometimes it makes me feel like i'm failing as a mother, or a friend or as a daughter.  It can sometimes make me feel like i'm not good enough, like maybe there's something wrong with me. Some days it can make me cry because i get so overwhelmed with feeling this way that i eventually just give into it. Sometimes i question everything. Am i being too annoying? Am i even liked? What if

 Choosing you to be my boyfriend 6 and a half years ago was one of the best decisions i ever made in my life. Even better now that i get to call you my fiance.  My life changed for the better, from the moment we started chatting to each other and it just gets better every day because i have you by my side. I know you'll read this and think i'm being 'cheesy' as you like to call it, but today i felt like writing about you. How much i appreciate you and how much i really do love you.  Maybe sometimes you feel under appreciated? We all do sometimes. But the truth is, we wouldn't be living this life if it wasn't for you. You go out to work everyday, no matter if you feel like it or not. You work your ass off (half the time)😉. I do appreciate all the little things you do for us, like when you know i'm stressed or need to sit down, you will clean up after dinner. You will bath the children and get them ready for bed. You will drive me where ever i need to go. You

 I will miss my child climbing up onto my lap to cuddle into me. I will miss my child asking me to hold them.  I will miss them asking to join me for a cuddle in bed. I will miss just sitting watching them toddle around giggling. I will miss watching them sit together playing.  One day they will call me mum instead of mummy and i will miss that.  They won't need to hold my hand to cross the road.  They won't need me to walk them to school anymore.  They won't need me to wash their hair or watch them splashing around in their bubble baths.  I will miss carrying them to bed when they fall asleep in my arms or on the sofa beside me.  I will miss picking up their toys to put away once they are finished with them.  I will miss them waking me up in the night just to get in beside me just to be cuddled back to sleep. I will miss wiping their messy little faces. I will miss stroking their hair while they lay on me.  There are so many things i will miss once they grow up and get old

 I never tripped over toys thrown around the living room. I didn't worry about baby proofing the house. I didn't have as many sleepless nights or early mornings. Id never been puked on, pee'd on or pooed on.  I never got so happy over the tiniest things. I never cried because i couldn't take away your pain.  My heart never broke because i'd had a bad day and felt like a terrible mummy.  I had full control over my mind and my life.  I could go out whenever i wanted. I could fall asleep and wake up whenever i wanted.  I never held a baby and not wanted to put him down just because he was peacefully sleeping on me.  Before i was a mummy  I never appreciated the smallest things in life. I never new i could love someone as much as i love my boys. I never looked at someone and felt like my heart could explode with love. I never played silly games or made silly faces as much as i do now.  I never danced around the kitchen just to make yous laugh.  I didn't know my life